Simon van Kempen

Simon van Kempen, Real Housewives of NY’s resident gay husband and lover of all things tight, shiny and inappropriate, is the latest realitard to add a nail in the coffin of an already half-buried music industry with his new recorded single I Am Real.

In a painfully long 3:13 minute track, Kempen can be heard singing, or rather, emitting sounds from his throat worthy of a  last call bar song to get your drunktard ass to go home –that, or a new torture technique used for one of those elusive acronym-named jobs.

Nevertheless, if you’re brave enough, click play below to hear a  hot-ass mess of a song.