Liz & Dick airs this Sunday at 9pm EST/8pm CST on Lifetime
– A bottle of Chardonnay, Prosecco or Rose.
– Costume jewelry and shoulder pads.
– Cleopatra eyeliner optional.
If you’re a man tuning in to Liz & Dick, choose scotch, make it neat, or grab a handle of vodka to drink in Richard Burton style. Then question your own choices for watching this film.
If you have seen the trailer, or have read anything about this Lifetime Television “Event,” you are ready for something laughably bad, and if you’re reading this list, you’re ready to get rip-roaring drunk.
On your marks, ladies (and gents), give yourself a club pour, and tee up Lifetime Television for women. It’s time to play.
– Lindsay’s pseudo British accent fades into an American one and reminds you of her characters in “The Parent Trap.”
– You wonder if anyone in the movie took an acting lesson before landing this gig.
– Richard Burton has a drink in his hand.
– Richard Burton is drunk.
– Richard Burton is drunk in a mock turtleneck.
– Liz & Dick have a slurring, drunken fight.
– Fake crying during the drunken fight makes you uncomfortable.
– Someone makes sure Liz knows she’s fat.
– Some poor schmuck gives Liz enormous jewelry.
– Someone references what # marriage Liz is on.
– You Wikipedia how many times this woman got married.
– You’re distracted by Lindsay’s red lipstick or large old lady sunglasses.
– You wonder if they’ll reference Liz’s weird relationship with Michael Jackson.
– There are low budge attempts to convince you she is surrounded by paparazzi, i.e. incessant camera flashes, downcast looks in backseats of cars,
– You can feel the real Liz Taylor rolling in her grave.
– You see too much pale LiLo cleavage.
– You think Lindsay looks like a teenager trick-or-treater dressed up as Elizabeth Taylor.
– Liz faints.
– Liz throws a beverage while enraged.
– You giggle at the unintentional hilarious parts of the film.
– Someone in the film mixes controlled substances.
– At the end of the movie, you feel distressed that you will never get those 2 hours of your life back.