Dear Jessie J,

You are not “sexy and free” in these cutoffs, or should we say cutups. The only thing that is free is your crotch.

You are not a member of TLC nor are you in early 90s Metallica.

The only conclusion we can draw is that you had a stroke in the middle of trying to fashion homemade jortz.

MO’s Verdict: Your stylist hates you more than Katie Holmes is relieved that her bearding duties are finally over.