#PopCulture Links: FLOTUS’s New Rap Album, a Direct TV Channel for Your Pooch, How To Look Like You Have a Girlfriend in Selfies

#PopCulture Links:  FLOTUS’s New Rap Album, A Direct TV Channel For Your Pooch, How To Look Like You Have A Girlfriend In Selfies

FLOTUS makes an embarrassing compilation rap album featuring the B-list names of hip-hop and hott traxx like “Veggie Luv” by Monifah (via The Daily Beast) [hr]

Speaking of embarrassing, this selfie expert demonstrates how to make it look like you have a girlfriend in your photos, even though you’re all alone. And as a dude with nail polish -- and too much time -- on his hands, seems as though he might be alone for quite a while. (via INCREDIBLE Things) [hr]

Yo! Learn these 8 things from Aaron Paul’s Breaking Bad Reddit AMA, bitch. He called a lot of people bitch, and they liked it, bitch. (via Yahoo! TV) [hr]

…Which should be the name of DirecTV new channel for dogs. For $10 a month you can leave your home and turn on programming scientifically created for your dog.  Or you could just put on nothing because we’re talking about DOGS. (via Geekologie) [hr]

In other dog news, this week, a Chinese zoo tried to pass a dog off as an “African lion.” When the Tibetan mastiff started barking, the jig was up, and the Tibetan mastiff’s self-esteem was destroyed. (via Laughing Squid) [hr]

Dear Zosia Mamet: Your Stylist Hates You

Zosia Mamet Your Stylist Hates You

Dear Zosia,

Print on top of print, prom dress satin, matching shoes, oh my.  But judging by the look on your face, we’re guessing that you probably already know that you look a member of the Partridge family that has lost her trusty vest.

And those shorts are so Shosh-short that we are blinded by your apparent lack of beach time this summer.

Verdict:   Unlike your recent kickstarter campaign to fund your band, your outfit has way too much going on. [hr]

Dear Selena Gomez: Your Stylist Hates You

Selena Gomez, Your Stylist Hates You

Dear Selena,

Apparently dating Justin Bieber isn’t the only thing you’ve done wrong. Are you about to enter “The Hunger Games” in this get up?

Other than that, there would be no other reason for wearing leather homie pants—better suited for Rihanna or a "In Living Color" fly girl—and combat sneaks. You’re just not beliebable wearing this look.

Verdict: Go back to your District, girlfriend. This ain’t working.[hr]

#PopCulture Hot Links: Backstreet Boys Sing Disgruntled Apple Customer Vine, Rappers Get the Cereal Treatment, Proof that Speaking German May Scare Small Children

Living Carlos Dangerously, What Speaking German Really Sounds Like, We’re Hip Hop Hungry With Frosted Drakes And Snoop Loops Cereal

Time for some hood breakfast! Would you like some Frosted Drakes or 2 Grainz? How ‘bout some Snoop Loops? You good on that milk and cereal? Then check out these Rappers as cereals: (via Rappers & Cereal)[hr]

The Backstreet Boys appeared on Jimmy Kimmel Live to set the Vine rant video of the disgruntled Apple Store customer to a harmonized melody. Sidenote: when did BSB get so freaking hot? (via Mashable)[hr]

A new quiet speed-dating phenomenon started in London, and we can’t imagine that it will catch on. “Shh Dating” prohibits talking and alcohol, and only allows only gesturing, lingering stares, and awkward hand holding. Sounds like Prom or scenes from “Twilight.” (via DailyMail)[hr]

Speaking of bizarre human interaction, on “The Daily Show,” John Oliver points out just how Carlos Dangerously close Anthony Weiner is to failing the NYC mayoral race all together, despite his large balls to stand tall in this race that has been so long and hard. (via UPROXX)[hr]

Speaking of hard, have you ever tried to learn German? Well this shouting man in lederhosen will prove how uber ridiculous it is, especially when compared to other languages. Example: English: Speed limit, Spanish: Limite de velocidad , German: Geschwindigkeitsbegrenzung. (via INCREDIBLE Things)

#PopCulture Hot Links: A Daria Movie We Wish Were Real, Ryan Gosling Gets Lisa Frank’d, Losing Your Sh*t at Apple Care

#PopCulture Hot Links: A Daria Movie We Wish Were Real, Ryan Gosling Gets Lisa Frank’d, Losing Your Sh*t at Apple Care

Funky Fresh in Lisa Frank is a new tumblr that will make you feel all giddy inside. The blog includes celebrities like Ryan Gosling and Michael Fassbender, who are all rocking tanks and tees featuring the cuddly kittens and unicorns of the Lisa Frank universe. Images may have been tampered with. (via FunkyFreshLisaFrank)[hr]

Speaking of being tampered with, a “Taylor Swift's Biggest Fan” Contest at a Boston radio station got shut down because people were messing with the votes, which ultimately led to a creepy 39-year-old man named “Charles” winning. Guess she does draw the line somewhere. (via Gawker)[hr]

In other “lines” news, a genius has created a “Blurred Lines” video with Robin Thicke's dad, Alan Thicke, and the “Growing Pains” theme song. Though, we must say that we still prefer the "Blurred Lines" set to the opening credits of “The Cosby Show” (via UPROXX)[hr]

College Humor has created a “Daria” movie trailer which fittingly stars Aubrey Plaza, and which we wished it were real. (via Mashable)[hr]

In the opposite tone of voice as Daria’s, a lady lost her shit in the Apple Store the other day just as an onlooker had opened their Vine account. She really needed to talk about APPLE CARE, DAMNIT! Even if it means that baby in the stroller becomes collateral damage. (via BuzzFeed)

#PopCulture Hot Links: Nicolas Cage as Disney Princesses, 20s vs. 30s, Banging Up Baby, and Lindsay’s New Reality Show

#PopCulture Hot Links: Nicolas Cage as Disney Princesses, 20s vs. 30s, Banging Babies, and Lindsay’s New Reality Show

If you haven’t been frightened yet today, here are illustrations of Nicolas Cage as all of your favorite Disney Princesses. Mr. Cage in a seashell bra is really the kicker. (via BuzzFeed)

Speaking of bras, remember when you had fun ones in your 20s? And now that you’re approaching (or are in) your thirties, you’ve just settled for sensible beige?  Yes, us too.  And we can definitely relate to this video that shows what 20-year-old girls do (make out with dudes!) vs. what 30-year-old girls do (make out with red wine at home!)  (via Funny or Die)

Baby Bangs

Don’t be sad 30-somethings, you can perk yourself up by buying your annoying friend with kids #BabyBangs! Tell her: a.) NorthWest already has them, and b.) you love how her baby just isn’t afraid to be bald. As girls know, passive aggression works every time. (via INCREDIBLE Things)

In other “bang” news, Carly Rae Jepsen throws worst first pitch ever at a Tampa Bay Rays game. Yep, she threw it straight into the ground, which meaningfully signifies the path of her future music career. (via Cheezburger)

Lindsay Lohan Show

Speaking of redheads with failing careers, Lindsay Lohan is reportedly getting her own reality show on Oprah’s OWN Network. So now Lindsay can publicly go through all the life stages of a teenaged Marissa Cooper at age 28, see: The OC  ( via Vulture)

#PopCulture Hot Links: Daft Punk Condoms, Billy Eichner Spoofs Taylor Swift, a James Franco Roast Is Happening

Billy Eichner as Taylor Swift in “Glitter and Ribs” tells the classic tale of a Backyard BBQ Breakup with poignant lyrics as “You’ll never know my heart like my heart knows my heart” (via PAPERMAG)

Jay Z Performance Art

Some more lip-synching happened this week, as Jay-Z mouthed the words to “Picasso Baby”  from MCHG for 6 hours straight at Pace Gallery in NYC, creating a series of Vines.  Because yes, he dominates every social media platform and does everything better than everyone else (See Magna Carta Holy Grail next to an actual copy of the Holy Grail). (via Gawker)

Daft Punk Condoms

Speaking of capitalizing, Daft Punk's “Get Lucky” condoms will be  released this week. Whoever came up with that marketing move is a god damn genius. (via BuzzFeed)

Miller Sweatshirt

Here’s a product that’s not exactly genius: A Miller High Life sweatshirt that propels you into the "highlife" by giving you an extra pouch specifically made to hold your beer. Because we all know there’s nothing better than lukewarm Miller. (via CHEEZBurger)

James Franco

And there’s nothing better than a Comedy Central roast, which is why DEADLINE just announced that James Franco is the next celebrity to get roasted on Comedy Central.  Sources say that while the roasters will probably touch briefly on his bizarre “art” projects, why he ruined the Oscars for most of us and his inability to turn off  his smugness,  they will mainly focus on just how much James Franco really f**king loves James Franco

#PopCulture Hot Links: Smells Like College Spirit, Opening the Backdoor for Jesus, 10 Quarter Life Crisis Signs

Quarter Life Crisis

So you hate your job, your romantic situation is underwhelming and you keep foregoing nights out for “Law & Order” marathons paired with red wine. If this sounds like you, you might be going through a Quarter Life Crisis. Check these 10 signs and see if you are indeed in mid-crisis mode. There’s a hotline for people like us: 1-800-YoullBeUnhappyForAWhile. (via BuzzFeed)

Brutally Honest Cakes

If you are being delusional about your quarter life crisis, call a bakery and have them make you a brutally honest cake, like these (via Mashable). You’ll be inspired by encouraging messages written in icing, such as, “Happy Birthday. Not really.  This is an intervention about your drinking problem” and “Congrats for not marrying a douchebag.”

Smells Like Colleg Spirit

Don’t worry though, you can get through this.  Just reminisce your old college days with the new University of Texas fragrance. Face your 20s with nostalgia and spray 3x to smell like Natty Light, Wendy’s and bad decisions. (via austinist)

Speaking of college, this Garfunkel & Oates song encourages entering through the backdoor…for Jesus. (via Jezebel)

Freddie As Marie Antoinette

Oh and that reminds us, here’s some pics of Freddie Mercury as lots of famous Queens. (via Complex)

Dear Miley Cyrus, Your Stylist Hates You

Dear Miley Cyrus, Your Stylist Hates You

Dear Miley Cyrus,

Aren’t we over the blonde fauxhawk yet?

We get it, you’re all grown up and you don’t want to be a Disney princess anymore…just like Britney, Amanda and Lindsay.

We’ll admit, it was kinda cool and crazy when you first debuted your new look. But your “Pretty Woman” inspired outfits, the fact that you keep forgetting to wear pants in public and your recent bouts of twerking alongside Juicy J. has got us thinking that your attention-seeking daddy issues haven’t quite been resolved yet.

Especially when you wear shorts that look like chinchillas nuzzling your crotch paired with hooker boots. Though we’re sure Billy Ray, err I mean, Liam won’t mind.

Verdict:  Miley, please “Start All Over.”  We know you “Can’t Be Tamed,” but at least ditch the streetwalker gear.


#PopCulture Hot Links: 50 Ways to Pretend to Be Smarter, Jimmy Fallon and Brad Pitt Yodel-Off, Russell Brand Schools News Anchors

Jimmy Fallon and Brad Pitt have a #yodel-off on Late Night. Further proof that Brad Pitt can be hot doing anything. (via Late Night with Jimmy Fallon)

Grace Helbig presents “50 Ways to Pretend to Be Smarter,” which includes invaluable lessons like, “Tell people you watch Bill Maher… only order Mac ’n Cheese if it has GRUYÈRE in it…and know more cheeses than just cheddar and mozzarella.”  She warns that many of her lessons are about cheese. (via Tastefully Offensive)

“Anchorman 2” trailer released, and it features a more racist, insecure, and fur-wearing Ron Burgundy prepared to take on a 24-hour news channel. (via Gothamist)

Another 24-hour news channel, MSNBC, got crushed this week when Russell Brand absolutely schooled the “Morning Joe” anchors. The British comedian proceeded to teach them manners and get them flustered, while jauntily calling them dumb and bad at their jobs. (via UPROXX)

Speaking of making an ass of newscasters, check out the ultimate compilation of Broadcast Video Bombers.  Get ready to see drunk kids, secret humpers and fame seekers attack unsuspecting local newscasters. (via Tastefully Offensive)

Hot Links – Pop Culture Edition: Bieber Goes to Space, Bowie & Mercury Get the Isolated Vocal Treatment, The Burger Feeder for Lazy People

David Bowie and Freddie Mercury’s vocals get isolated in 1981’s “Under Pressure” and all that “Um ba ba be” business gets super trippy. (via Laughing Squid)

In other strange-dudes-making-music-together news, The Lonely Island has been putting up videos for “Wack Wednesdays” to promote the release of “The Wack Album,” which drops on June 11. And this latest one is actually kind of Wack. (via deathandtaxes)

Oh yes, it’s finally here! The Anna Nicole Smith movie on Lifetime is slated for a Sat. June 29 premiere.  “The Anna Nicole Story” will star Agnus Bruckner as Anna Nicole, who is pill-popping, handle-chugging while driving and girl kissing, all while frightening her pretend son throughout the entire trailer. But, what we really want to know is: Why is she hungover in clown makeup? Guess we’ll have to watch to find out. (via PAPERMAG)

Burger Feeder

Speaking of hangovers, you know those struggle Sundays when just want someone to feed a burger to you? Look no further. Burger King offers a “Hands Free Whopper” reminiscent of a Harmonica neck holder a la Bob Dylan. You just have to head to Puerto Rico to go get it. If you’re not convinced the trip is worth it, listen to its jingle, en Español.  (via INCREDIBLE Things)

Bieber Astronaut
Or you could just live vicariously through Justin Bieber, who is taking a little trip to space. Boarding Richard Branson’s Virgin Galactic SpaceShipTwo, he is reportedly paying a casual $250,000 for his seat. Sources say millions of #biebhaters have launched a Kickstarter to keep him there.  (via Mashable)

Hot Links - #Pop Culture Edition: Let’s Go Prancercising! Battle of the Gentle Bands and a "Fresh Prince" Dance Reunion

This week in pop culture has given us the perfect steps for #summer:

First, get your hot bod ready for summer with Prancercising. Channel your “inner horse” by strapping on  ankle weights, gallop, and wave your arms about in this workout started by Joanna Rohrback, a middle-aged crazy person. (via Videogum)

Now that you have the perfect bod-ay, it’s time to check out all the other talent. Head up to Jersey and ogle at the size of those CUPS at CUPS, the Hooters of FroYo. Hiring all female employees who enjoy serving ice-cream in a sexist nightclub environment. (via BuzzFeed)

Next, get nostalgic for summers past by watching this clip of Will Smith on the Graham Norton Show, which  ignites a Fresh Prince explosion with DJ Jazzy Jeff and Alfonso Ribeiro aka Carlton (via HYPERVOCAL)

Then, educate yo-self before you take any trips by watching Jordan Peele and Jane Lynch jam out for Funny or Die.  Their 70s R&B ballad explains why having Church and State “all up on each other” is a bad thing and why Jane Lynch should always wear a perm wig. (via the gloss)

Finally, join the cool kids and head to a music festival. We recommend Fred Armisen and Carrie Brownstein’s  “Battle of the Gentle Bands” from Portlandia. “We’re not going to use mics, because we don’t want to hurt any insects.” Rock on! (via PAPERMAG)

Hot Links - Pop Culture Edition: Amy Schumer's Compliments, An Art School Critique Meltdown and a Magical Coloring Book for Adults

Maya Rudolph & Danny McBride Family Portraits

Maya Rudolph & Danny McBride take some awkward family portraits for GQ. In a series entitled, “Here Come the McBrides,” the two don massive Foxy Brown wigs, cardigans, and smile brightly with children not their own. (via Buzzfeed)

Real Beauty Dove Ads

In other awkward news, if you cried at that Dove ad telling you “You’re more beautiful than you think,” you’re about to get told. Turns out psychological research from the University of Chicago and University of Virginia reveals you’re not that pretty, you just think you are. (via Gawker)

Which is interesting considering girls can’t take compliments, astutely pointed out by Comedy Central’s newest mouthy poster girl Amy Schumer. “Cute dress!” “Are you kidding? I look like a whore who was locked out of her apartment.” (via HuffPost)

I guess us chicks can’t take criticism either. An Art student presents and downplays a weird painting to her class, then when 3 people barely critique it, she puts her foot through it, calls the class “f—king bullshit,” and storms out. (via Laughing Squid)

Coloring Books For Adults

Ms. Sensitive Art Student could take refuge in this Coloring Book For Grown-Ups available for purchase on Amazon.com. It’s easy to connect the dots for Steven’s retirement plan, name your 11 cats, and color in pictures of your money going into the toilet. Cue quarterlife crisis. Hide sharp objects. (via INDREDIBLE Things)

Hot Links - Pop Culture Edition: Diddy Does Downtown Abbey, Tobias Funke's Sizzle Reel and The Stoner Diet

At a surprise concert in NYC, Kanye West was caught monologue-ing like a crazy person again, this time about how he hates being famous (Ya, OK). Highlights include:  “I ain't kissing nobody's [expletive] babies. I'll drop your baby and you'll [expletive] sue me...” He's  just glowing with the promise of fatherhood.  ( via Gawker)

Downtown Diddy
While Ye did that, Diddy put on his tails and joined the cast of  Downton Abbey, where he is inserted into scenes yelling at stuffy white people, plugging Ciroc, and telling evil characters that they “ain’t shit” (via Just Jared)

Tobias Funke Sizlzle Reel

Speaking of inserting actors into scenes, Arrested Development’s Tobias Funke has released a sizzle reel  which is an invitation for Ron Howard to add Dr. Funke into his films. He says, “Insert Me Anywhere,” we say “I just blue myself.” (via UPROXX)

Smoke Weed And Be Skinny

You may not sizzle like Tobias, but if you’re looking to pull off cutoff jean shorts like he does this Memorial Day, try the Stoner Diet.

Basically, your get-skinny-plan involves: 1. ) Smoke in large groups to induce anxiety and cool hunger, 2.)Munch on a whole back of grapes rather than a whole bag of Fritos Twists,  and 3.) Fall asleep – the easiest and most efficient way to stop eating (via Jezebel)

Or, you could just smoke weed and watch this: The Ultimate SuperCut of Animals Sneezing: being enjoyed by high audiences everywhere.  (via tastefully offensive)

Hot Links - Pop Culture Edition: Bluth’s Frozen Banana Goes Global, Gwyneth Paltrow's Met Letdown, and a Crazy Troll Doll Obsession

This is your brain. This is your brain on ice cream:  A baby tries ice cream for the first time and flips the ef out, expressing what we feel inside bypassing the froyo place and going straight to Ben & Jerry’s for some straight up cookie dough with rainbow sprinkles. (via Jezebel)[hr]

Bluths Frozen Banana
But if you’re not an ice cream person, maybe you’d prefer a Bluth’s Frozen Banana. To promote the upcoming 4th season of "Arrested Development" on Netflix, the Bluth Banana Stand is going global. (via Mashable)[hr]

Just like a Banana Stand, there’s always money in a George Clooney movie, especially one where he plays an astronaut. But in this one, he and Sandra Bullock are floating around and panicking in space sans ship, which leads us to believe that “Gravity” might be his first mistake--and that Sandy should have just done “Speed 3.” (via EW)[hr]

Gwyneth Met Gla
Speaking of mistakes, Gwyneth Paltrow said on her blog, “GOOP,” that she hated going to the Met Gala and called it “un-fun.” Really? We think you’re un-fun. So do Jay-Z and Beyonce. Watch your back Gwen,  Anne Hathaway’s looking better and better with every botch you make (via Gothamist)[hr]

Going to a gala with Gwyneth? Nah, we’d rather hang out with this lunatic on TLC’s #MyCrazyObsession who owns 3,000 Troll dolls that live in the crevices of her house, plotting and watching her every move. (via Jezebel)[hr]