Hot Links – Pop Culture Edition: Nicole Richie’s New Web Series, Martha Stewart Joins Match.com and Creepy Kids

Marth Stewart Match Dot Com

Martha Stewart has created a Match.com profile under username TheLongGoodLife. (via Laughing Squid)

A few Highlights:

“I have Birds, Cats, Dogs, Horses, Other… I like Fish”

Favorite Things: “…opera & rap”

Faith: “I’ll Tell You Later”

Gentlemen, why not kick it with Martha for the rest of your LongGoodLife? Sure, your sex life will be over, but think of all the quiches, crepes, and pinecone crafts that will fill that gaping void instead.[hr]

100 Day Shirt

Introducing The Yuppie Straight jacket:  A patterned button-down shirt from Wool &Prince made from science that you can wear for 100 days. Though, if you can afford this $98 shirt, you can probably afford a couple others…and maybe some deodorant as well. (via Oh! Gizmo)[hr]

Speaking of B.O., Willie Nelson auditions for Gandalf in The Hobbit 2 to celebrate his 80th Birthday on Conan. Spoiler alert: he’s high as a f—king kite. (via Gawker)[hr]

Creepy Things Kids Say

This week, parents asked Reddit “What is the creepiest thing your child has ever said?” Shockingly, “I want to peel all your skin off” wasn’t the worst one. (via BuzzFeed)[hr]

Nicole Richie Web Series
Turns out kids and Nicole Richie say the darndest things…“I am here in regards to my tramp stamp” is just one of many winners in this clip from “Candidly Nicole,” her new reality web series for AOL (via Nylon Mag)


Hot Links - Pop Culture Edition: Weiner Back on The Tweets, Coachella Hipster Callout, Lingerie Line for Dudes

Richard Branson and Virgin Atlantic are now offering you the option of sending a hottie a cocktail mid-flight through their in-flight flirting /texting system (via Into The Gloss).  Of course, if you’re like most people, you’re too busy to flirt when you’re preoccupied being smashed in between 2 obese people. But thanks Branson, really. Super helpful.

Jimmy Kimmel sends a scout to Coachella to tell festivalgoers to suck it when they claim to know fake bands. Yes, young hipsters, The Chelsea Clintons have such “great energy” for a band that doesn’t exist.  (via Gawker)


Speaking of #hipstercallout, these two guys went to SXSW 2013 and decided to make an Indie film parody on their way home using a cat, slow piano playing, and far-away drifting looks. They’ll probably win at Cannes. (via Laughing Squid)

Homme Mystere

Homme Mystere just launched a men’s lingerie line that claims to keep up with the women’s market.  The only difference between MANgerie and women’s lingerie are the male models, who also happen to be wearing sweet lacy nothings while playing video games.  (via Buzzfeed)

Anthony Weiner Twitter

The Homme Mystere launch comes at a perfect time considering Anthony Weiner just rejoined Twitter. Sources say he has some fresh followers and is in the market for a fancy new banana-hammock (via Gothamist)


Dear Macklemore, Your Stylist Hates You

Your Stylist Hates You Macklemore

Dearest Macklemore,

We know that the MTV Movie Awards are a joke, but your matador getup is borderline disrespectful.  No one thinks that a mini-cape and a form-fitting, shiny onesie is, to use your words, “Hella tight.”

Verdict:  Shouldn’t have popped the tag on this one, homie.


Dear Robert Downey Jr., Your Stylist Hates You

Rober Downey Jr

Gutentag Robert!

While we appreciate your theme wear and how you seem to be rocking it ironically, lederhosen should stay in the Hofbrau House at Oktoberfest, where they belong.

Even that neckerchief cannot distract us from looking directly at your suede schnitzel. Please return your outfit to the von Trapp kid that you stole it from.

Verdict: You must have pissed off your stylist more than Terrence Howard was when he found out Don Cheadle took his place in "Iron Man 2."


6 Most-Likely Products Kim & Kanye Would Shill in a Joint Business Venture

6 Future Kim & Kanye Products Include Book Deal, YeYe Juice, Duet Album And A Coffee Line

Now that Kim and Kanye have made a baby, we can now officially call them a kouple. And a famous one at that.

With Kim’s Shoe Dazzle, Belle Noel jewelry line, Kardashian Kolors OPI nail line, PerfectSkin line and Sears clothing collection, and Kanye’s Fatburger restaurants, Air Yeezys and fledging fashion career, there’s probably a modest ration for baby Kash’s (name prediction) trust fund.

But we at Meets Obsession have pondered, if these two got together for a business venture, what kind of products might we expect?

In their mutual quest for fame and glory, here are a few products that we’d love to see via their future business venture, FameBaby, Inc. formerly Fame to the Limit, LLC.

No KardAshy Lotion

NoKardashy Lotion

Strong enough for your man’s ashy elbows and soft enough for an illegitimate baby’s bottom, No KardAshy Lotion is guaranteed to get your skin as greasy as Seacrest’s hair. For only $51.99, it’s perfect for moisturizing after getting a face full of flour.

Kardashigans 4 Kidz

Kardashigans 4 Kidz

Kim and Kanye’s baller children’s couture.  For hip hop families only, with a promise to look better than Suri. Looped into the business deal is newcomer Blue Ivy Carter, who will model the signature Kardashigan coming Summer 2015.

K&K Duets Album

Duets

In stores now, Kim’s & Kanye’s “Duets” album features songs like “His Initials All Are Up in Mah Ear,” “Imma Let you finish, Girl,” “Straight Outta Calabasas” “Dat’s My Baby Mama” and “I Got My Reality Riches, Bitches.” White Tiger cub in Louis Vitton handbag included with each album purchase.

Kanye and Kim’s Krazy Ye Ye Juice: Go Nuts, Go Apeshit.

Yeye Juice 

Pass the Ye Ye juice. 2 parts Jay-Z’s vodka, 1 part crème de cacao, 3 parts Hennessey with Acai Berry for accidental weight loss at select locations. Yayo not included. Available for a limited time only infused with 14K gold flecks and embers of $100 bills.

Kim K’s Black Koffee

Kim K's Black Coffee

Everybody knows that Kim likes her coffee black. For the girl on the go, order now and receive a free diamond encrusted mug perfect for all Lamborghini cup holders. Coming next spring, Kim K’s Kleanse, to get that ass you’ve always wanted.[hr]

Doing Me: The ABC’s of Famewhoring

Doing Me

In this 300-page book, Kim and Kanye take you through the basics of famewhoring.  From quickie marriages, to taking over a stage during a speech and the best ways to alert the paparazzi for your photo opps, this book will take you to the depths of fame in no time.

Other chapters include:

I’m Famous, You’re Famous. Why Not?

How to Distribute Your Self-Made Porn Movie

The Benefits of Forgetting to Take Your Birth Control

Vocals: Perfecting the Nasal Voice Within

This is MY Time! How to Suck the Air Out of the Room

How to Announce You’re Expecting

How to Tell Your Child He Was On a Reality Show in the Womb

 


Dear Rihanna, Your Stylist Hates You

Rihanna, Yoru Stylist Hates You

Dear Rihanna,

Are you showing us the evolution of jeans with this look?

It’s already hard enough to button up one pair of jeans. Why make it harder on yourself?

The top pair of pale 90s wash indicates that you’re a member of TLC, while the bottom dark wash suggests that you’re rollin’ with the homies. We’re Disturbia-ed by this denim disaster.

We're confused as to why you have added this to your retail clothing collection. Stop trying to make “Double Top Jeans” a thing, it’s not going to happen.

Verdict: Rihanna, we hate to tell you, but your stylist is channeling some major passive aggression based on the look he/she put you in.


Dear Sarah Silverman, Your Stylist Hates You

Sarah Silverman, Your Stylist Hates You2

Dear funny lady Silverman,

Considering your top and ill-fitting blazer are passable, we’re wondering why you took drugs before you put on pants. Or rather, put on shorts from American Eagle, raided your 16-year-old neighbor's closet for thigh highs and paired them with  black sneaks.

Seriously Sarah, next time try keeping the comedy out of your style choices. You should have quit while you were ahead.

Sarah Silverman, watch out because your stylist is plotting more revenge as we speak.


Music: 5 Best Beyonce Covers

Best Beyonce Covers Post Beyonce Weekend

Mrs. Carter has killed it this past weekend with the release of her HBO documentary “Life is But a Dream” and on “Oprah’s Next Chapter.”

To honor the weekend of Sasha Fierce, we have compiled a list of the best Beyonce covers, ‘cause she run the world. Caution: You may not be ready for this jelly.

Grace Potter & the Nocturnals “Why Don’t You Love Me”

A leggy white lady sings about unrequited love, something she might do better than Beyonce, since Bey has no familiarity with this subject.

Florence + the Machine “Halo”

A British ginger makes “Halo” ethereal, just like Queen Bey.

The xx “I Miss You”

The indie duo can’t even resist covering Mrs. Carter, turning her heartfelt “I Miss You” into something more heartbreaking.

Sara Barielles “Single Ladies”

Ms. Barielles tackles this song on the black and white keys instead of in a black and white video in a sassy leotard.

Rachel Crow on X Factor “If I Were A Boy”

And finally, a small child growls and sings Beyonce’s words as though she had been through a hundred heartbreaks.


The Lazy Person’s Guide to Film Plots: 2013 “Best Picture” Oscar Nominee Edition

Six Word Film Plots: The Sessions

It’s Hollywood official. The Oscar nominees have been announced.

And for those that are too lazy to watch the trailers, or have too little time to look it up on Wikipedia, we  took the courtesy of breaking down the plot of each film nominated for “Best Picture,” summarized in 6 words.

You're welcome.

Oscars 2013 in #sixwordfilmplots

Six Word Film Plots: Django Unchained

Six Word Film Plots: Lincoln

Six Word Film Plots: Life Of Pi

Six Word Film Plots: Argo

Six Word Film Plots: Zero Dark Thirty

Six Word Film Plots: Amour

Six Word Film Plots: Silver Linings Playbook

Six Word Film Plots: Beasts Of The Southern Wild

Six Word Film Plots: The Sessions


Alternative Holiday Gift Guide 2012

Alternative Holiday Gift Guide 2012

Tired of buying the same holiday gifts year after year? Try thinking outside the box this holiday season.

Be warned: some of our hand-picked items may freak out your friends and family, and possibly get you shunned from holidays in the future, but at least no one could ever call you unoriginal. [divider]

Denny's Wedding Chapel
For your boo: Denny's Wedding in Las Vegas

What could be better than getting your significant other a romantic trip somewhere? This year, it’s time to make things official and elope in Vegas style at the new wedding-ready Denny’s. He will want to Grand Slam you when you tell him of the classy chapel and menu options available for your nuptials.  Cast a shadow of doom on your relationship and get your name on the list today to load up on love, and chicken fried steak! [divider]

LifeGem
For the hoarding aunt: Jewelry Made from her Dead Cat

Since you can’t get her the IKEA monkey now that he and his tiny shearling coat have been put in captivity, you should consider obtaining the ashes of her favorite cat and turning it into a beautiful diamond jewel! What could be a more perfect way to honor one of her 100 roaming friends by paying to lock dead cat parts in a pendant for that feminine, feline touch she can display proudly on her hand or neck. [divider]
Pizza Hut Cologne
For your fat cousin: Pizza Hut Perfume

He has given up on life and you have given up looking for the perfect gift for him. And since a Meat Lover’s Pizza won’t stay fresh all the way to Wisconsin, you should impress him with this luscious and luxurious new cologne, Eau de Pizza Hut. For the man who wants to smell like cheese and assorted meats, even when he’s not eating pizza. [divider]
Bubbles The Chimp Art

For the artsy friend: Painting from Bubbles the Chimp

A new artist has hit the scene, and his abstract works are all anyone can talk about.

Said to be the new Banksy, Bubbles the Chimp, aka Michael Jackson’s former moonwalking roommate and bestie, is producing exclusive works. Get your colorful paw swipes on canvas today for only $1500 dollars.


Watch DMX Perform His Own Rendition of “Rudolph the Rednosed Reindeer”

If you've ever wondered what a DMX holiday song would sound like, you're in luck, because Ruff Ryders love the ultimate Ghostridin’ Gangsta Rudolph.

Check out this rendition of “Rudolph the Rednosed Reindeer” performed with a badass backbeat in the hoarse, growling vocal stylings of DMX.


The Liz & Dick Drinking Game

Let the Train Wreck Begin! The Liz & Dick Drinking Game

The Liz & Dick Drinking Game

Liz & Dick airs this Sunday at 9pm EST/8pm CST on Lifetime
[divider]

[label style="warning"]What You'll Need[/label]

- A bottle of Chardonnay, Prosecco or Rose.

- Costume jewelry and shoulder pads.

- Cleopatra eyeliner optional.

If you’re a man tuning in to Liz & Dick, choose scotch, make it neat, or grab a handle of vodka to drink in Richard Burton style. Then question your own choices for watching this film.

If you have seen the trailer, or have  read anything about this Lifetime Television “Event,” you are ready for something laughably bad, and if you’re reading this list, you’re ready to get rip-roaring drunk.

On your marks, ladies (and gents), give yourself a club pour, and tee up Lifetime Television for women. It’s time to play.

[label style="warning"]Drink every time:[/label]

- Lindsay’s pseudo British accent fades into an American one and reminds you of her characters in “The Parent Trap.”

- You wonder if anyone in the movie took an acting lesson before landing this gig.

- Richard Burton has a drink in his hand.

- Richard Burton is drunk.

- Richard Burton is drunk in a mock turtleneck.

- Liz & Dick have a slurring, drunken fight.

- Fake crying during the drunken fight makes you uncomfortable.

- Someone makes sure Liz knows she’s fat.

- Some poor schmuck gives Liz enormous jewelry.

- Someone references what # marriage Liz is on.

- You Wikipedia how many times this woman got married.

- You’re distracted by Lindsay’s red lipstick or large old lady sunglasses.

- You wonder if they’ll reference Liz’s weird relationship with Michael Jackson.

- There are low budge attempts to convince you she is surrounded by paparazzi, i.e.  incessant camera flashes, downcast looks in backseats of cars,

[label style="warning"]Chug every time:[/label]

- You can feel the real Liz Taylor rolling in her grave.

- You see too much pale LiLo cleavage.

- You think Lindsay looks like a teenager trick-or-treater dressed up as Elizabeth Taylor.

[label style="warning"]Take a shot every time:[/label]

- Liz faints.

- Liz throws a beverage while enraged.

- You giggle at the unintentional hilarious parts of the film.

 [label style="warning"]Finish your drink if:[/label]

- Someone in the film mixes controlled substances.

- At the end of the movie, you feel distressed that you will never get those 2 hours of your life back.


Geek Meet: Find your Dreamboat on TrekkieDating.com

Find Your Geek Dreamboat On TrekkieDating.com

Geek Meet: Find your Dreamboat on TrekkieDating.com

Let’s face it, you’ve tried winking at the hotties on Match.com, tried connecting with the ready-to-settle-down dudes on eHarmony, and now you’re officially ready-to-settle.

Even after downgrading to websites like OK Cupid, Just Lunch and Zoosk, you’re still not finding the love of your life.

If you’ve hit rock bottom of singledom, it’s time to head over to TrekkieDating.com.

And yes, it is a real site.

Full of Spock selfies and hopeless, seething desperation, Trekkie Dating ensures that you will find someone.

The users of this site are surely lonely sitting around intimately touching their action figures of William Shatner – and you’ll be the answer to their prayers!

Time to grab the reins on your dating life and go all science-fiction on it.

Now, go out and find your geek dreamboat and live long and prosper.


DIY Halloween Costumes Under $100: Holly Golightly

DIY Halloween Costumes Under $100: Holly Golightly

DIY Halloween Costumes Under $100: Holly Golightly

Here’s an option for all the ladies that don’t want to be a slutty referee or Rainbow Brite like they were last year.

This year, up your class and go as Holly Golightly aka Audrey Hepburn's character in “Breakfast at Tiffany’s.”  Who knows, you might even get a classy DFMO (Dance Floor Make Out).

There are a few prerequisites, however.

Requirements:

At least 1 year experience as an escort/hooker.

Minimum 5 years in a secret marriage to an older hillbilly named Doc.

A cat, whom you call cat.

A pining for a rich Latino hombre.

A total disregard for human emotions.

Or you could just go for a black dress, large sunglasses, long black gloves, pearls, a mini tiara (you have one saved from Prom ’02, I’m sure), some Cleopatra like eye liner and a slammin’ sock bun. It should do the trick, darling.

[box title="Get This Costume" color="#000000"]

Diamond Diva Statement Necklace - $9

Damsel Cat-Eye Sunglasses – $14

Long Satin Opera Gloves -- $10

Fancy Hair Jewelry, Tiara Rhinestone Silvertone Mini Comb -- $10

Black Bardot Dress -- $38[/box]


The Best Thing You’ll See Today: The Claire Danes Cry Face Project

The Best Thing You’ll See Today: The Claire Danes Cry Face Project

The Best Thing You’ll See Today: The Claire Danes Cry Face Project

A sad face exists that just might top Dawson’s emotional wreck of a sad face.

Enter the Claire Danes cryface and its supporting Tumblr, The Claire Danes Cry Face Project.

If you’re looking to cheer yo-self up on this dreary workday, then treat yo-self. Take a look at Angela Chase crying cause she hates that bastard Jordan and her “So-Called Life” in highschool, or Beth in “Little Women” crying because she faces imminent death surrounded by kittens and pianos. You can definitely find Carrie Mathison sobbing  in “Homeland.”  Rough stuff.

You’re welcome, sadists.