Happy Friday! Here's a Jimmy Fallon Video That Will Make Your Friday THAT MUCH Better

These days, finding a TV Show with a song you can sing-a-long to is a trying task.

Breaking Bad’s song is, well, a couple low ominous tones. Homeland has some scattered political quotes.

And although those shows are about POWs and meth, it still leaves us wondering why our TVs won’t tell us what we want to hear.

Thank god Jimmy Fallon and the cast of Guys With Kids bring us back to the golden days with a montage of the best TV Theme Songs that told us “I’ll be there for you” and “you’re a pal and a confidant”  ‘cause sometimes, when you wanna tell the story all about how your life got flipped, turned upside down, you just want to go where everybody knows your name.


Nicki Minaj to Get Reality Show on E!

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Break out your hot pink mesh tights and yellow wigs, time to get ready. No not for a drag show, but rather for  Nicki Minaj’s reality show, which is reportedly coming to E!

10 things you need to do to prepare for the premiere:

1.)    Get higher than a mo**f**er.

2.)    Stomp around in jortz.

3.)    Practice not blinking for several minutes.

4.)    Buy Nicki Minaj OPI colors for your nails. Be sure to use the crackle on top.

5.)    Find an outfit that is reminiscent of a bunch of Muppets that stepped over a landmine.

6.)    Practice your deep growling rap voice.

7.)    Practice your baby talk  rap voice.

8.)    Hell, who are we kidding? Practice rapping.

9.)    Find out what Sizzurp is.

10.) Put pads in your pants to make your ass more phat.

Do these ten things and you’ll be prepared for the most absurd reality show yet.

Watch out Honey Boo Boo and Kim. K. Barbz is comin’.

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Photo: Christopher Macsurak

Thanks to Designer Si Chan, You Can Literally Wear Your Hugs


Courtesy Photo

Sometimes you just need a hug, or in this case, a hug jacket.

Do you own a boyfriend/Ryan Gosling body pillow to keep you warm at night and wonder how to obtain a daytime version of visible loneliness and antisocial behavior?

If so, you might consider owning your very own Si Chan “Hug Me Jacket,” a green winter parka that will hold you tight. Tiny Oompa-Loompa-like hands included.

This questionably cozy jacket will physically strap you in warmth forever.

No really, there’s no zipper and you can’t get out.

So, girls and boys, if winter makes you lonely, wear this jacket and say, “Suck it winter! I wear my hugs.”


Wine in a Purse: A Stylish Way to Make Your Drinking Problem More Socially Acceptable

Wine in a Purse: A Stylish Way to Make Your Drinking Problem More Socially Acceptable

Wine in a Purse: A Stylish Way to Make Your Drinking Problem More Socially Acceptable
Courtesy Photo

Swedish Wine company Vernissage just invented a genius way to make your drinking problem more socially acceptable.

As you head off to work, run errands, or while attending a family function, just grab this handy luxe wine bag purse so you can fill up whenever …in style.

No glass required. You can simply slap the bag, tuck the purse beneath your armpit, chug from the nozzle and be on your way. No one saw.

The latest fashion experts are saying that Vernissage’s “The Bag-in-Bag” wine is the hottest accessory this season. Mostly because wine in a bag is always at least room temperature.


Hey Girl, It’s a Ryan Gosling Body Pillow


Illustration via butyourelikereallypretty.com

Has your summer fling burnt out and you’re wondering how you will survive those fall sleepless nights staying up watching “Crazy Stupid Love” alone in bed?

Have no fear, for now you can have your very own Ryan Gosling body pillow.

Yep, that’s right, you can star in your own version of “Lars-ette and the Real Boy.”

The Ryan Gosling body pillow will hold you in his fluffy nook night after night. You can pretend that he is whispering sweet “Hey Girl-s” in your ear, call him your Blue Valentine, even reenact scenes from the “Notebook” shouting, “IT WASN’T OVER FOR ME!”

And the Ryan Gosling body pillow will not judge, only slyly smirk.

And when the morning comes, and you have to leave him to show up for your thankless job, he’ll be anxiously awaiting your return, in tightie whities—just  like the night before, and just how it shall forever be.


“F-bomb,” “Sexting” and “Mashups” Are the Latest Additions the Merriam Webster Dictionary

“F-bomb,” “Sexting” and “Mashups” Are the Latest Additions to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary

 

“F-bomb,” “Sexting” and “Mashups” Are the Latest Additions the Merriam Webster Dictionary
The entry "sexting," photographed in New York, Friday, Aug. 10, 2012, is one of the 15 new additions in the 11th edition of Merriam-Webster's Collegiate Dictionary. (AP Photo/Richard Drew)

Pop Quiz: Can you define all the boldface words in this sentence?

Kristen Stewart was sexting a married director, and when Robert Pattinson found out, he retreated to his man cave where his agent told him to hire a life coach. Instead, he listened to Skrillex mashups and read Twilight books on his e-reader with a box of Kleenex.

When Reese Witherspoon offered him her vacation house, it was a real game changer. There, he had an aha moment and added f-bombing  Stephenie Meyer to his bucket list.

If you successfully defined the meaning of all the words, Congratulations! You haven’t been living under a rock.

These words, plus 17 others,  will now be added to the 2012 edition of Merriam Webster's Collegiate® Dictionary with the hopes that future generations will understand what all of us douchebags have been talking about.


The Terrifying Face Of Synchronized Swimming

The Terrifying Face of Synchronized Swimming

The Terrifying Face Of Synchronized Swimming

When you were watching the Olympics on your work computer like the rest of us, you may have grazed across non-real-Olympic sports, like Trampoline, Badminton and Rhythmic Gymnastics.

Feeling unimpressed and uninspired, you clicked on Synchronized Swimming.

“Oh, How alluring!” You thought.

Swimming in unison? Check.

Sparkles? Check.

Pointy kicks? Check.

However, once you got into the live feed, it’s highly likely that you shat your pants. Especially if you saw the Russians in their bedazzled Michael Jackson suits.

As the video shows us, the facial expressions on these swimmers are outrageous and intense.

Couple that with the waterproof tranny-like makeup, hectic classical music and you have a truly terrifying death ritual. The likes of which you would see on your spiral down to hell.

Click at your own risk.


Ryan Lochte’s Hotness Eclipses His Inability to Form Sentences

“The reason I love swimming is…because racing.”
–Ryan Lochte

As the above video clearly demonstrates, Olympic swimmer Ryan Lochte isn’t the brightest crayon in the box. He can swim like a glorious dolphin, flash that crooked smile, and even putta grill on it, but talking out loud? Not so much.

Our formal position on the matter is, “yeah, so?”

He doesn’t know his times tables and says he typically stays “under the profile…radar…”

Yeah, so?  That all gets overshadowed by his golden medals and piles of golden treasure from his endorsements.

Forming simple sentences, like explaining why he loves to swim proves very difficult for him.

Yeah, so? He’s an Olympic athlete.  And those USA issued swim trunks aren’t leaving any mystery about what’s going on downstairs.

If he’s the dumb jock, I’ll be his cheerleader girlfriend any day. Perhaps our future will turn into Ryan as an insurance agent trying to relive the glory days and me as a stifled-life-in-a-rut-housewife.

But hey, I can wash our clothes on his abs. Procter & Gamble will provide our household items, AT&T will pay our phone bills, and I will never, ever drown.

That’s pretty much the dream of every little girl.


TLC’s New Reality: “Breaking Amish” and Conjoined 20-Year-Olds

TLC’s New Reality: “Breaking Amish” and Conjoined 20-Year-Olds

TLC’s New Reality:  “Breaking Amish” and Conjoined 20-Year-Olds
"Breaking Amish" cast. Photo courtesy of TLC.

TLC launches new reality show “Breaking Amish” about young Amish leaving their sheltered communities to get shunned by their families and shed their bonnets in the big bad city.

It’s like “Breaking Bad”, except instead of making perfect meth, they make asses of themselves as they get confused by simple technology, like elevators.

They’re not scared of cartel drug lords, they’re scared of airplanes.

And don’t buy a gun, they buy lingerie and Ed Hardy accoutrement.

But the question is, will they stay in NYC or go back to their long skirts and braids? If you live in the New York metropolitan area and you see some Amish floating around with camera crews, please give them a lamp, an iPod, caffeine, alcohol and sex.

In similar news, TLC is also launching another reality show “Abby and Britney” about a teenager with 2 heads, oh I’m sorry, I mean a show about conjoined twins. TLC, were looking to give us the weirdest summer programming of our lives? Cause you nailed it.


Stephen Colbert’s “StePhest Colbchella ’012” to Feature The Flaming Lips, Santigold, Grizzly Bear, and Fun.

Stephen Colbert is America. If you doubt that statement then you don't know about his recent endeavor.

Next Friday, August 10th, Stephen Colbert will gather some of the best artists of our time on a naval ship— the Manhattan docked U.S.S. Intrepid—for free, because though he understands capitalism, he also understands an American's right to life, liberty, and a free concert .

Bald eagles will fly overhead and flags will wave at the 2nd annual StePhest Colbchella ’012 — RocktAugustFest, a patriot's event.

The festival, which will feature The Flaming Lips, Santigold, Grizzly Bear, Fun., and DJ Grandmaster Flash, is expected to make Thomas Jefferson and Benjamin Franklin weep.

99% rejoice. Your time has come, 'Murica.

Tickets available here.


This Actually Exists: Hello Kitty x KISS Toilet Paper

This Actually Exists: Hello Kitty x KISS Toilet Paper

This Actually Exists:  Hello Kitty x KISS Toilet Paper

Ever seen those Charmin commercials and wonder what those damn bears are so happy about while they wipe? We think we found the answer to that question.

In a relevant and common-sense combination, Sanrio has paired their beloved Hello Kitty with the band, KISS, made famous for songs like “Lick it Up,” on toilet paper.

The product says, “Look how cute Hello Kitty looks as a little heavy-rocker, now wipe your ass on it. “

Mom always said the best thing to wipe with has 3 elements:

1.) Japanese animation

2.) A friendly cat

3.) A Metal Band.

So, throw up a rock fist, meow, and while you wipe, wonder how much Gene Simmons smoked out the Sanrio execs to OK the distribution of this product.

Probably NOT coming to a grocery store near you.


Vince Vaughn To Develop The Brady Bunch “Spinoff”

Vince Vaughn to Develop “The Brady Bunch” Spinoff

Vince Vaughn To Develop The Brady Bunch “Spinoff”
Vince Vaughn photo (Gage Skidmore).

In bad decision news, Deadline reports that Vince Vaughn will co-develop and executive produce a multi-camera spinoff of "The Brady Bunch."

Even better, its focus isn’t on a popular character, but random Bobby.

We assume that the basic premise goes something like this:

Here’s the story, of a damaged lady

Who was bringing up some kids on her own

All of them needed …a dad replacement

But she was all alone

Till the one day when she met divorced Bobby Brady (really can’t keep a marriage together in this family)

Who was bringing up kids stung from his breakup

Bobby proposed and the lady said “Meh ok, I wish it was Greg.”

Then they had another kid by accident.

The Brady Bunch. The Brady Bunch. That’s the wayyyy they became divorced Bobby’s Brady Bunch.

Can’t wait to tune in!


The Cost of Friendship: Survey Results Predicted in Destiny’s Child Songs

The Cost of Friendship: Survey Results Predicted in Destiny’s Child Songs

The Cost of Friendship: Survey Results Predicted in Destiny’s Child Songs

A recent survey conducted by Harris Interactive on behalf of CouponCabin.com reveals that money ruins friendships and can affect our social lives.

According to the survey, 1 out of 5 Americans have lost a friend due to disagreements on money and 37% of 18 to 34-year-olds have declined being in a wedding party due to the expense.

Though the survey reveals a few surprising results, Destiny’s Child already beat them to the punch line.

The results, which strangely sound like a mashup between Destiny’s Child’s “Bills Bills Bills” and “Jumpin’ Jumpin” can be found below, in the words of Destiny’s Child.

Drop a beat.

Survey: Women don’t want to date unemployed men.

Destiny’s Child in their own words: “You triflin', good for nothing type of brother/Silly me, why haven’t I found another/A baller, when times get hard, I need someone to help me out Instead of a scrub like you, who don't know what a man's about.”

Survey: Friends who take money from us won’t pay us back.

Destiny’s Child in their own words: “Now you've been maxing out my card/Gave me bad credit, buyin' me gifts with my own ends/Haven't paid the first bill/But instead you're headin' to the mall/Goin' on shopping sprees/Perpetrating to your friends like you be ballin'.”

Survey: The economy isn’t making it any easier for us to maintain relationships.

Destiny’s Child in their own words: “Pay my own fun, oh, and I pay my own bills/ Always 50/50 in relationships”

Survey: We feel we need to keep up with our friends when we go out.

Destiny’s Child in their own words: “You know you've got the right to get your party on /so get your hair cut, And your car washed too/ Lookin' like a star in your Armani suit.”

We think the survey teaches us that in order to keep our friendships going, we should profit our own dollas, so we can go to the club when it’s jumpin’ and pay our own bills bills bills.

Do you have any triflin’ brothas in your life or are you straight ballin’?


The Rudest Celebrity Fan Letters

Rude Letters from Celebrities to their Fans

The Rudest Celebrity Fan Letters
A rejection letter from Hunter S. Thompson in response to a submission from a young Rolling Stone fan.

Have you ever written to your idol to let them know how much you admire them?

The above letter proves that you might want to think harder before sending a letter of adoration to your favorite writer/actor/celebrity/musician.

This may shock you, but just because you really liked an artist’s latest video, doesn’t mean they are about you or your general existence.

A few rules of thumb:

1.) Don’t take a photo of Tommy Lee or ask to take a photo with TL. Seriously. And be warned, if you just casually say hello, you could be inviting yourself onto Lee’s sex swing.

2.) Be wary of reaching out to Hunter S. Thompson, ‘cause he might call you a “worthless, acid-sucking piece of illiterate shit.” Though we hope that writer framed those kind words and hung it in his worthless, acid sucking house.

Head over to Flavorwire to read  more letters.


Fat Toes? There’s a Surgery For That, Too.

Fat Toes? There’s a Surgery For That, Too.

Fat Toes?  There’s a Surgery For That, Too.

Oh boy, here comes the latest cosmetic surgery craze.

Look down at your feet, now back to me, now back to your feet.

Do you have some funky digits? Do you keep your socks on during sexy time? If so, you could be the next candidate for a toe-besity.

ABC news is reporting that women are flocking to their plastic surgeons to change the width of their toes by having fat removed from their feet.

Big surprise, women are insecure about their feet, too.  Since plastic surgeons have found every way  to nip and tuck everything on a women’s body, it would only make sense that the toe was next in line on the  frivolous surgeries list — and for $2500, you, too can make your feet look like someone else’s.

Though we’re a bit skeptical of this surgery, we will, however, support any surgery that keeps us from seeing a middle toe hanging off of the edge of a sandal -- oh, the horror!

Would you ever get this kind of corrective surgery, or will you spare your toe beasts?