Hot Links: Pop Culture Edition


Hot Links: Pop Culture Edition

Sometimes dressing your three-year old like Pretty Woman is cute, even if evil saleswomen won’t let you shop (via Styleite)

One company's mission to keep Jewish weenies in the bedroom kosher (via Jezebel)

Why old people and technology never mix (via Vulture)

Sometimes when life gives you lemons, you just gotta get Gorilla on people’s asses (via Nymag)

Is J. Lo’s new love completely Limitless? Get it? (via Yeeeah!)

Apparently no amount of rap music or quarterbacks can make Man Uggs cool (via HuffPost)

R.E.M. Frontman Michael Stipe's wardrobe malfunction (via Nymag)

Joe Jonas is not asexual, apparently. (via Gawker)

Bridget Jones’ Diary returns for a third installment and most likely with the same plot line (via DigitalSpy)

Speaking of boring, here's the new Twilight teaser (via DigitalSpy)

Facebook gets cliquey (via Gawker)

Looks like we lost our shot to get reasonably sized clothing items at Target (via HuffPost)

One reporter articulates inarticulately why dudes don’t like the Kardashians (via Buzzfeed)

Another reminder--if you needed one--of why Anderson Cooper is not straight. (via AolTV)

Scar-Jo is a ho-ho with her mo-bile (via Yahoo! News)

NBC announces new show in the works called My Best Friend is a Lesbo to alert Tea baggers of when they might need to change channels (via Nymag)

Hey guys, Jonathan Taylor Thomas is back! Remember (via

Where in the World Was Michaele Salahi?

Where in the World Is Michaele Salahi?

Pick out which of these items is true.

D.C. Housewife Michaele Salahi was:

a) A Redskins Cheerleader

b) Invited to the White House for a party

c) Co-owner of a functioning vineyard

d) Reported missing but was actually having a fling with the original guitarist from Journey


Hot Links: Pop Culture Edition

Hot Links: Pop Culture Edition

The James Franco/Anne Hathaway botch really made the Academy reach this year (via Oh No They Didn’t!)

Ryan Gosling seen with hot cougar at Disneyland (via Us Weekly)

Another reason for why Americans are fat (via Gawker)

Vivienne Westwood is in trouble and no, it's not her hair (via CocoPerez)

Blondie from 30 Rock out-sexies Rihanna (via HuffPost)



TSA is sick of smelling other people’s feet (via Gawker)

Southwest Airlines attendant really doesn’t want to see Billie Joe Armstrong’s junk (via Rolling Stone)



Beyonce wore maternity pants at the VMA’s for no reason, and could have lost the sparkly blazer too (via Digital Spy)

People are paying tickets at a price of $28 for adults and $16 for kids plus airfare to London to see something they can Google (via Styleite)

Venues and celebs are DTF, a.k.a. Down to Fund: DJ Pauly D’s shows for $40,000, and that’s what’s up, bro (via NY Mag)

Why God doesn’t like Snooki's t*ts and why an Italian priest thinks she a ho (via Digital Spy)

Russian Marketing campaign has candy and bad intentions--Find out what they’re selling young girls with the tagline: “If you’re not allowed, but you really want it, then you can have it!”(via HuffPost)

Meanwhile, Carine Roitfeld is over cigs in her ad campaigns (via Fashionista)



Blake Shelton violates a Kenny Loggins song (via Idolator)

Speaking of music violations, Madonna is releasing a new album (via Consequence of Sound)

Oh, and she’s in a legal battle over a slutty juniors clothesline (via WWD)


Hot Links: Pop Culture Edition

Beyonce is Preggars: If you liked it then you shoulda putta baby in it (via HuffPo)

Banging for Bucks: Gay dudes are turning tricks for tuition (via HuffPo)

Kim Kardashian rolls around in grease, flashes her ASSets on fours, and calls it a video. Wait where’s Ray J? (via Gawker)

Snooki may have her own clothing line:  Smush wear that lets people know you’re DTF. Here’s hoping for handbags full of fried pickles and leopard print clothing sure to show your kooka (via CocoPerez)

Sears and this t-shirt think that young girls are too pretty to do their homework ( via Stylite)

Sinead O’Connor is looking for a good f**k…or a few good cucumbers (via NYMag)

On a related note, a woman mistakenly buys a piece of wood disguised as an iPad, a.k.a another thing Sinead O’Connor would probably bang: (via Gawker)

That also reminds us that Chaz Bono will put his new Bono on DWTS (via

Just when you thought Johnny Depp was done with rum and his pirate shenanigans, he comes out with The Rum Diary (minus the pirate outfit) (via IndieWire)

Just What You Needed: The Strokes cover The Cars (via Consequence of Sound)

One more reason to want to put Joseph Gordon-Levitt in your pocket (via Consequence of Sound)

Taiwanese CGI masterminds, NMA shockingly don’t like…big butts and they cannot lie…or American Apparel for that matter (via Racked)

And speaking of inappropriateness, investors are bailing on Dov Charney. Like we didn’t see this coming (via The Cut)

Daryl Hannah pulls a Salahi and gets in troubs with the executive branch (via NYMag)

Breaking Up Is Hard to Do: Our Biggest Celebrity Break Up Disappointments

Breaking Up Is So Hard to Do: Celebrity Break UpsIt’s been an emotional rollercoaster this week with news of Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith’s rumored break up. We felt betrayed and confused, and fortunately, the pair dispelled the rumors and said they would keep their multi-million dollar family empire intact.


Their potential break up left me wondering what other celebrity breakups shocked America. So I generated a list—I know you must’ve been doing the same in your hour of need, so let’s compare!

Breaking Up Is So Hard to Do: Celebrity Break UpsSteve Jobs and Apple

Steve and Apple, Apple and Steve. These two were like two peas in a pod.

With the wound of the breakup still fresh, Apple shares went down after he left, and Wall Street cried like they did during the financial collapse.

I doubt Apple will ever be the same. After all, Steve will be the “one that got away.”

Breaking Up Is So Hard to Do: Celebrity Break UpsBrad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston

Hot man, hot woman, both famous. Sounds like a celebrity formula that ends in disaster (see Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck below).

I thought it was cute how Pitt starred in the Thanksgiving episode of Friends with his wife.

And then came homewrecker Angelina Jolie with her big lips and 10 kids and desire to save Africa.

What man could say no?

Breaking Up Is So Hard to Do: Celebrity Break UpsJustin Timberlake and Jessica Biel

While these two gave us all a run for the money, in the end, I still believe that Cameron Diaz was a better fit.

Breaking Up Is So Hard to Do: Celebrity Break UpsRyan Reynolds and Scarlett Johansson

Their breakup happened around the same time as Timberlake and Biel, and all I wanted to do was buy a one way plane ticket to California ‘cause my dudes were back on the market!

Seriously, between these two love birds, ScarJo was clearly the hotter one in the relationship; and frankly, Reynolds had it coming when he ended his engagement with awesome, angry singer, Alanis Morissette.

Breaking Up Is So Hard to Do: Celebrity Break UpsJennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony, Ben Affleck, and Puff Daddy

She was JLO, he was Puff Daddy. She broke my heart when she ended her gangsta love with him.

But then she redeemed herself when she paired up with Affleck; and I thought, why couldn’t these two crazy kids with absolutely nothing in common make it last forever?

Shockingly, they ended their love affair only to have Marc Anthony take the place of the extended rebound.

Taylor Swift and Jake Gyllenhaal

Just kidding. Who didn’t see that ending coming a mile away?

FLASHBACK FRIDAY: Back-to-School Pop Quiz

Summer’s about to end, and everyone knows what that means—back-to-school time!

We spent our summer weekends with Bernie, voting for Pedro and fighting those nasty cheerleaders. (Bring it on, bitches!)

So class, put your iPhones away, take out your Number 2 Pencils, and prepare yourself for a pop quiz (assh*&!) on back-to-school shows and movies.

Make sure you double check those answers, if you get it wrong, a bus explodes, you don’t turn sixteen, and we tell mom your babysitter’s dead.

Now let’s see who’s head of the class.

The questions get harder as you go along, so for the slow ones, we put the answers at the bottom of the sheet.

P.S. Has anyone seen Bueller?

1. Name the recent movie that stars a scarred, Emma Stone in which she feigns being the high school whore?

2. Who played the original, and let’s face it, better version of Teen Wolf?

3. In Saved by the Bell, what does Elizabeth Berkely’s character, Jesse take in the season’s most gripping episode about “drug abuse” that makes her addicted and “so scared”?

4. What is the name of the major hottie that Molly Ringwald is after in Sixteen Candles?

5. Name the song that’s playing in the background of the party that Lindsay Lohan throws when her parents are out of town in the movie Mean Girls.

6. Dude! What does Spiccoli order in the middle of class in Fast Times at Ridgemont High?

7. For the literates, what high school movie riffs on a book by Jane Austen and begins with the heroine saying, “Okay, so you're probably going, ‘Is this like a Noxzema commercial or what?’ But seriously, I actually have a way normal life for a teenage girl.”

8. In The Breakfast Club, what Mighty Ducks star wears a wife beater during the entire movie?


Ice Loves Coco, Just Like the TV Says

Ice and Coco are the classy couple featured each week on E, where we can watch their love bloom! It is in their show, Ice Loves Coco, that we learn that Ice, does indeed, really love Coco.

For those of you not in the know, Ice landed smokin’ hot lady, Coco who’s 20 years his junior and spends her day half naked and sharing pictures of herself on twitter. She’s a bit of a space brain, but he doesn’t mind. She’s naked. It’s cool. They make photo catalogues of themselves in semi-obscene poses.

In the latest episode, Coco is working on releasing her first album and Ice is helping her lay down the tracks. Coco doesn’t sing, really. (We know, shocking.) She just speaks over a phat beat.

I would think that it would have been difficult for Ice to sit in the studio while Coco recorded, “Shoe Freak,” and whispered softly into a microphone that undoubtedly cost $500 dollars an hour to rent, chirping the chorus: “I love my shoes…I love my shoes…”

Keep in mind that this is the same guy who started the thrash metal band, Body Count which made the controversial single “Cop Killer”...a song about murdering cops.

But there Ice goes, bobbing his head, totally feelin’ it like his boo just made a platinum hit.

A romantic might call him supportive.

A cynic might call him tone deaf.

Either way, those crazy kids are gonna last forever.

Vacation Grievances to Avoid on Independence Day Weekend

Recently, conducted a survey polling over 2,000 people on the most annoying habits committed by fellow swimmers and sunbathers.

Not surprisingly, hoarding beach chairs, playing loud music, and peeing in the water all made the top spots in the survey.

Who also made the annoying list?


That is, other people’s babies, particularly when diapers and the changing of said diapers were involved.

When asked if men wearing speedos was appropriate for the beach, a shocking 65% sad yes.

Obviously, those 65% of respondents have yet to encounter a man bending over while wearing speedos or mankinis.

Some things just cannot be unseen.

On the topic of space, 26% of the respondents said that on a crowded beach, strangers should keep at least 6 feet away, and on a empty beach, 38% want you to stay 20 feet away. Fair enough.

Of course, a beach just wouldn’t be the same without those sunbathers that go to an empty beach and decide to set up shop inches from you. THERE'S A WHOLE LOT MORE BEACH THAN THE 20 FT RADIUS AROUND ME, MAN.

And since we’re soon upon Independence Day, which happens to be one of the busiest beach holidays of the year, it is only fitting to point out some of my biggest beach vacation annoyances.

Take note, fellow beach goers.

'Kinis + Shoes

I have been around the Delaware coast this summer, and in doing so,  I have encountered, more than I can count,  females who like to walk down the main drag of Dewey Beach, which is busy, dangerous, and hot, wearing solely a bikini and shoes.

No cover-up. No covering at all, in fact.

Chances are, if you need shoes to go somewhere, you could probably use some pants as well.

Venus Fly-Trap Umbrellas

Windy beach + large umbrella= seeing an umbrella close over an individual leaving only their legs visible. Large beach umbrellas caught in the wind also convert into enormous javelins, hurling themselves at innocent beach goers, looking for blood.

Excessive Public Lotioning (EPL)

On one of my tropical vacations, I discovered that foreigners like to lotion on the beach. Americans lotion in their rooms, for the most part, because we don’t want to get the sand in our lotion, making an exfoliator.

I had the pleasure of attending the same beach with a group of plump and lovely foreigners who were not only wearing speedos and topless, but were continually rubbing and lotioning in plain sight.

Oh, the rubbing. Love handles, haunches, his back, then her back. So much rubbing.

But nothing could have topped the moment when I saw a plump, oiled up woman in a bikini, and when she turned, the sun blinded me as it reflected off of her decorated nipple chain.

That’s right, a chain from nipple ring to nipple ring, on the beach. So I suppose that is another one to add to the list: Nipple Chains.

Killer Bees

There are bees that specifically attack you while on the beach.

Maybe it’s the smell of the sunscreen, or the fact that they can smell my fear, but I wasn’t just spazzing out, screaming, and hitting myself for no reason.  The bee landed in my tramp-stamp area and it didn’t get off until my mom hit me several times with her hardback copy of The Help.

Vacationing Santa

Why do men with white hair and white beards decide, in the summer, to wear red? I am speaking from experience here. These Santa-look-alikes abandon their black, drab work garb and put on bright red for the sake of vacation. They might as well be one of those clay figurines in a souvenir shop where Santa is wearing a Hawaiian shirt, surfing.

I will conclude here with the hopes that someone else has some more vacation grievances that they would like to point out.

Life is indeed a beach.  Happy July 4th!

17 Reasons to Love the Number 25

25 is a magical number for me this year.

25th anniversaries are happening all over the place, which means a lot of shi-at happened in 1986.

Let’s talk about all of the COOL things that are 25 years old.

Ferris Bueller’s Day Off. Need I say more? Anyone...anyone...anyone?

Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen. I don’t know about you, but I stayed in on Fridays to watch TGIF’s “Two of a Kind”. They really rocked the chokers, zig zag parts, sparkly hair extensions, long skirts from the Limited Too, and some chunky ass shoes.  And now, they may possibly “rule the world”. Well done girls.

Dolly Parton’s Dollywood—It takes a lot of money to make a place so cheap, gotta visit this before I die…

Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Righteous.

Geraldo Rivera’s revelation of Al Capone’s empty vault.

The Oprah Winfrey Show. We miss you big O. Still clinging to your re-runs like a needy girlfriend.

Lauren Conrad—meh.

Lindsay Lohan—I am longing for her “Parent Trap” era, or at the least her “Freaky Friday” days. And I, like everyone else, is sick of her house arrest, pseudo lesbian days.

Arnold and Maria’s marriage—yeesh, too soon.

Amanda Bynes—Up top Amanda! You were all that and a bag of chips (why does that expression exist?) on “All That,” and I still think you’re funny in having recently purchased She’s the Man at Target.

Robert Pattinson—I hate his waify, angsty girlfriend, Kristen Stewart, but Robert, you’re pretty cool.

Armie Hammer aka the Winklevoss twins from The Social Network—as Brittany Murphy says in Clueless with a Jersey accent, “Break me off a piece of that.” He has to be gay. He’s just too damn good looking.

Shaun White—He is the Carrot Top of snowboarding, and almost as obnoxious.

Florence Welch of Florence + the Machine—Holy crap Flo you’s only 25? Your lyrical content would suggest differently.

Oliver and James Phelps of the epic Harry Potter movies—We know them as Fred and George Weasley. Clutch.

Mischa Barton—Good ole Marissa Cooper. Once you “died” in the television series "OC," everything went to shit. But you really haven’t done anything since. Get over your problems and get back into television girl.

Tahj Mowry! aka SMART GUY, whhhaaat? Yo brotha is smawt.

Discussing Weiner's Weener

"I’ve been hacked" or "I sent my sack"?

Generally I stray from politics when it comes to writing, but I think one of the best days of my life occurred when Congressman Anthony Weiner sent a picture of his weener to some chick on the internet.

First, intensely, rudely, avidly, he denied it. Days later, sadly, pathetically, he admitted it, and it turns out, the story is worse than we thought. Weiner sent these photos (some photos sans the grey boxer briefs I hear) to several young strangers on the internet!

But let’s be honest, he’s not the first congressman to entice folks with a grainy pic. Was it not GOP Representative Chris Lee who mysteriously resigned after sending a picture himself flexing in the mirror to a woman on Craigslist? And then there’s Brett Favre, who thought it best to keep on his white athletic socks and nerdy sports watch when sending a photo of his *ahem* to a reporter who broadcasted the image to the world.

Guys, let’s talk about this.

Despite what you think, congressman/famous athlete man, most women don’t think that receiving a picture of your “little man” is awesome. Most women probably see this picture, scream, and throw their phones in the toilet. It’s like if someone sent you a picture of a really big spider, or a scary clown.

How would you react?

So Congressman Weiner, seeing your bulge in a pair of grey briefs isn’t "hot." Maybe because you're a public figure, you should chill out on putting your camera phone/webcam near your privates. This will save you from having four press conferences about it, and Rachel Maddow asking you how you will overcome your newfound creepiness.

You don’t see a ton of women sending their hoohas and getting caught (unless you’re Britney Spears).

Or maybe you men do it because you’re named Dick, and this confuses you. Hell, the surname of our Speaker of the House is Boehner.

It’s just everywhere you turn!

It’s not like women are named Crotch, or Vag.

I think you men and boys want to remind us that you have weeners, because, you know, women have short term memories.

Anyway, I’m glad we had this talk. Thanks, Mr. Weiner for bringing this to light. I couldn't have asked for a better person for the job.

Can’t wait for the next election!

Ode to Oprah

Ode to Oprah Ode to Oprah Ode to Oprah

A Tribute after 25 Years of Talk Show Bliss

Oprah it’s been 25 years,
And your show never fails to bring me to tears.
Oprah it’s been half a century almost,
And you are an irreplaceable buxom host.
Oprah even though your weight fluctuates
My love for you never abates.
You definitely don’t like that guy who wrote A Million Little Pieces,
With his lies your anger increases.
Tom Cruise jumped on your couch and acted a fool
But you decided to let him be high and kept your cool.
Gayle is your best friend and your love for her is zealous,
And it’s understandable why Steadman might be jealous…
Your voluminous hair reaches way up to the sky
And reaches heaven when, “Go Girl!” you cry.
Sometimes I think about you clapping your hands,
Not knowing the words to the songs of your featured bands.
Or that time you went to Africa and had cornrows in your hair,
Or how you made besties with Whitney, Tina Turner, and Cher.
When you give gifts to audiences for no reason,
I smash things in my house then think, “I’ll be there next season.”
Too bad your seasons are up and I will never get light blue Uggs,
Macaroons, parkas, watches, or hugs.
With you gone I might turn to the drink or drugs.
At the end of this I didn’t mean to be a party pooper,
I guess I’ll just tune in and get attached to that new show with Anderson Cooper.

Thinking Like A Real Housewife Of New Jersey: The Perfect Baptism

Thinking like a Real Housewife of New Jersey: The Perfect BaptismThoughts inspired by Bravo’s Monday night kick-off to this season of RHoNJ.

When my children get baptized, I hope to start the day off at my house from the Godfather Part II with tranny makeup, hairspray, a hot pink dress, and glasses of champagne at 9am to go to a church.

On the way there I will tell my baby he is going to meet Jesus in his kingdom while I straighten his white beret. I will be completely unaware that means I am bringing my baby somewhere where he is going to die.

Following my pregame and the church, will be a gaudy reception with glass crosses hung like ornaments and at least 3 open bars. There will be ice sculptures; definitely everything should look like it’s been dipped in gold, gilded roses, yes.

I will go on through the day in my five inchers ordering blended drinks watching my husband and the other dudes who are all named “Joe” in the family taking vodka shots at lunchtime and feel astonished when people start to get slurry, testy and aggressive in the evening.

Thinking like a Real Housewife of New Jersey: The Perfect BaptismI will swing some punches, people will hold me back from my in-laws whilst small children get in the middle of the tussle.

At some point during the event, either myself or my husband will call someone “garbage,” preferably another family member. And hopefully I’ll get wasted enough to yell at my ailing father in Italian.

Then I will get in my limo, go back to my mob house, and pat my husband’s passed out back while I finish off a large glass of Chardonnay, and whisper, “I’m so happy Giacinto met Jesus today.”



Mr. and Mrs. Robert Hoppy Are Just the Hoppiest

The Hoppys on Bravo's Bethenny Ever After

In Bravo's reality show “Bethenny Ever After…” viewers are engrossed each week by Bethenny Frankel, and her hot, and obliging husband Jason Hoppy.

However, I can’t help but focus on Jason's parents--the unwaveringly adorable Robert and Carol Hoppy who steal the show.

R and C hail from Hazleton, PA where there's nothing but a Wal-Mart, Arby’s, and Home Depot.

I know this because my father's family grew up in Scranton, PA (where Jason went to college) and has a lake house near Hazleton. For this, I truly feel that the Hoppys are my peeps.

Sometimes I daydream about the Hoppys and I taking fun trips to places like Wal-Mart where we would purchase yarn, onion dip...and some sort of lawn mowing machine.

We'd go to church every Sunday and enjoy the post-mass brunch at our "usual spot" where we'd order our "usual" plates. Robert would get the All American Breakfast, and Carol would get the sunnyside-up eggs with fruit on the side.


I'd order beer and pancakes.


It would all seem right.


Oh the Hoppys! They garden, watch "Idol" and get tipsy from two glasses of wine. Carol embroiders while Robert fixes things around the house. Just like a real man should!

The Hoppy's on Bravo's Bethenny Ever After

They are the kind of people who wear Christmas sweaters at Christmas time, hand make their valentines, and call you each Sunday to chat. They are the types of folks who'd envelop you in one, big hoppy hug.

And I would jump into that hug without question because, in the end, I just want to squeeze the cute out of them.

Awww...look at them, here “earmuffing” themselves when a fan asks Bethenny about her relationship with her in-laws.

So raise your hand if you want to put Robert and Carol Hoppy in your pocket.

(Because I do.)

National Geographic's Taboo Full Of Man-Babies, Triple K Breasts and Doll Obsessed Families

My obsession with National Geographic’s Taboo might be considered just that, taboo.

No, I’m not talking about the board game where you get a buzzer and fire an obnoxious noise into an opponent’s ear.

I’m talking about a show that is fittingly on National Geographic about the fascinating, shocking, and loony things people do in their (private) lives.

Since there was a marathon on Monday night, I will catalogue my three favorite segments:

3.) The Texas woman with size Triple K breasts, that’s right, A-B-C-D-E-F-G-H-I-J-K! If you can’t picture that, the calm and collected narrator described them as the size of regulation basketballs (hard to resist making an NBA joke here).

Attention: Royal Wedding Fever Is Extremely Contagious

Attention: Royal Wedding Fever Is Extremely Contagious

Initially, I wanted to catalog all of the reasons that Americans are crazy in obsessing over the royal wedding between Prince William of Wales and Kate Middleton occurring this Friday April 29.

Why, in bloody hell, would people want to watch anything set to be broadcast at 4am EST?

Then the Royal Wedding Fever struck...

The first symptoms began to show upon my viewing of the Lifetime original gift to film, William and Kate. I guffawed at the horrendous accents and awkward interactions, but whilst I cringed, I Googled every monumental event that occurred in their relationship in the movie to cross reference the events with those in real life.

Was she really wearing a white coat when they went skiing together? Yup.

Was she rowing when he came to tell her he was sorry for everything? Maybe.

Did he propose in a hut in Africa? Sure did.

I was just short of throwing my arms in the air and exclaiming "She was just a regular girl and now she's gonna be an effing Princess! How did this happen? What does it all mean?!"

Attention: Royal Wedding Fever Is Extremely ContagiousMy fever got worse after I went to the internet to try to prove the utter insanity of royal wedding mania.

I was exhilarated hearing myself pronounce the strange names, wondering if I would ever get close enough into the royal circle to call Prince William “Wills,” or hang with Party Animal Pippa aka Kate’s maid of honor, or just know someone named Pippa.

Then, I began casually reading Kate’s hairdresser’s comments on her “do for the big day,” where he declared Kate was going natural, and I thought “Yeah, that’s totally what she do because her hair is so voluminous and shiny anyway.”

Next, I examined the guest list posted on to see who made the cut--hello, Beckhams!

But things really took a turn for the worst when  I typed my name into the E! Online Royal Name Generator and became, “Baroness Caroline Ellen Ticky Cullenburton of Potomacport.”

Suddenly, I started secretly asking myself, “What IS the plan for Friday? Am I going to stay up till 4am, or sleep a little and set an alarm to watch this wedding go down?”

I realized just as rapidly as it had happened...I had caught the Royal Wedding Fever.

Now I was worrying and thinking, if I am all riled up, what is Kate is feeling right now?

That’s when the outward signs began to show. I started speaking in a fake British accent and forcing friends and strangers alike to call me “Baroness,” my rightful title.

It was only when I had fully decided that I was going to wake up at 4am for the live wedding broadcast  and was considering composing a congratulations message to Wills and Kate on the official royal wedding website,  that all of the crazy bollocks disappeared.

But we should probably get these bloody kids hitched before I need medication.